CLEAN SENIOR JOKES

CLEAN  SENIOR  JOKES THE  POWER  OF  THE  BIBLE  An elderly woman was returning home from a Thursday mid-week service at her local church.  As she unlocked her door, an intruder startled her. She caught the man in the very act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, 'STOP! Acts 2:38 !' The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer handcuffed the man to take him to  gaol, he asked the burglar, 'Why did you just  stand there? All the old lady did was quote  a scripture to you.' 'Scripture ?' replied the burglar. 'I thought  the lady had an axe and two 38's!' Biblical Footnote The Book of Acts  Chapter 2, Verse 38 says :  Repent and be baptized, in the name  of Jesus Christ  so that your sins may be forgiven.      Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons.  “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should  be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie.  Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet  of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out  to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that  I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”  “That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when  I think about the way my Sammy takes care  of me, it just can’t compare.  Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets  me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee.  Every lunch he comes over and cooks me  a gourmet lunch, and every supper he  brings me to his house for supper, he truly  treats me like a queen.”  “WELL !” Says Barbara “I don’t want to  make any of you feel bad or anything,  but wait until you hear about my Harry,  twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour  just so he can lie on their couch and talk to  them, and who do you think he speaks about  at those prices? Asks Barbara with a big  excited double chin smile, “I’ll tell you who  he speaks about !  ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME !”